Chocolate is a Vegetable
Submitted by Crystal, TN (via our QT Forum)

Chocolate is derived from cocoa beans.

Bean = vegetable.

Sugar is derived from either sugar cane or sugar BEETS.

Both of them are plants, in the vegetable category.

Thus, chocolate is a vegetable.

To go one step further, chocolate candy bars also contain milk, which is dairy. So candy bars are a health food.

Chocolate-covered raisins, cherries, orange slices and strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.

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Cooking Terms
Submitted by Crystal, TN (via our QT Forum)

Arab Coffee: Thick, black, bitter coffee, traditionally served in tiny cups at gunpoint, or found in graduate student's offices.

Calorie: Basic measure of the amount of rationalization offered by the average individual prior to taking a second helping of a particular food.

Frying Pan: Standard instrument of destruction for eggs, pancakes, and various vegetable matter. Remains may be removed from surface with diluted solution of sulfuric acid.

Microwave Oven: Space-age kitchen appliance that uses the principle of radar to locate and immediately destroy any food placed within the cooking compartment.

Oven: Compact home incinerator used for disposing of bulky pieces of meat and poultry.

Preheat: To turn on the heat in an oven for a period of time before cooking a dish, so that the fingers may be burned when the food is put in, as well as when it is removed.

Porridge: Thick oatmeal rarely found on American tables since children were granted the right to sue their parents. The name is an amalgamation of the words "Putrid," "hORRId," and "sluDGE."

Recipe: A series of step-by-step instructions for preparing ingredients you forgot to buy, in utensils you don't own, to make a dish the dog won't eat.

Tofu: soft, cheese-like food made by curdling fresh hot soymilk with a coagulant. Tofu tastes exactly the same as it sounds.

Tongue: A variety of meat, rarely served because it clearly crosses the line between a cut of beef and a piece of dead cow.

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Dietary Fiber
Submitted by Crystal, TN (via our QT Forum)

The doctor said I needed more fiber in my diet. I asked him what fiber actually was. He said "Food that is not absorbed into the body."

Knowing that corn doesn't really digest, I went to the grocery store and bought frozen corn. When I got home, I saw that the nutrition facts:

Calories 227
Fat 1 g
Sodium 696 mg
Carbohydrates 56 g
Sugars 9 g

I opened it up and slowly poured the corn out. With a sigh, I followed the doctor's advice and my diet.... That box sure had more taste than some of the foods I'm allowed.

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Signs Needed in My House
Submitted by: Crystal, TN (via our QT Forum)

A messy kitchen is a happy kitchen, and this kitchen is delirious!

No husband has ever been shot while doing dishes.

A husband is someone who takes out the trash and gives the impression he just cleaned the whole house.

If we are what we eat, then I'm easy, fast, and cheap.

Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

Help keep the kitchen clean - eat out!

Housework done properly, can kill you.

Countless numbers of people have eaten in this kitchen and gone on to lead normal lives.

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10 Rules for eating Chocolate
Submitted by: Crystal, TN (via our QT Forum)

1. If you've got melted chocolate all over your hands, you're eating it too slowly.

2. Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices & strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.

3. The problem: How to get 2 pounds of chocolate home from the store in a hot car. The solution: Eat it in the parking lot.

4. Diet tip: Eat a chocolate bar before each meal. It'll take the edge off your appetite and you'll eat less.

5. If calories are an issue, store your chocolate on top of the fridge.  Calories are afraid of heights, and they will jump out of the chocolate to protect themselves.

6. If you eat equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate, they will counteract each other so there will be no calories.

7. Money talks. Chocolate sings.

8. Chocolate has many preservatives. Preservatives make you look younger.

9. Put "eat chocolate" at the top of your list of things to do today. That way, at least you'll get one thing done.

10. If you can't eat all your chocolate, it will keep in the freezer. But if you can't eat all your chocolate, what's wrong with you?

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